so i'm in utah and it's absolutely amazing. working at best friends is the most rewarding experience ever. it's hard manual labor but it's so gratifying knowing what you're doing is literally changing a life, even if it is for a pig or cat or bunny. it's something i'm seriously considering returning to whence finished at ol' rutgers. the best friends' mission is to spread kindness through animals and it really works. it's so hard to explain how this place is making me feel and think unless you've been here; and i encourage everyone to come visit and volunteer and understand the natural wonder of this place. it's so spiritual and just i don't even know, awesome. outside of best friends, i've just been chillin' in kanab-- smallest town ever. there's no social life, there's one traffic light, it's a complete microcosm. all of utah is a microcosm of it's own, completely separate from the rest of the united states. it's crazy that this place is seriously a part of the US-- the thought process is so completely different. first of all, i have not seen one black person here. no where. non-existant. second of all, everyone here marries out of high school and has three kids by the time they're my age! and of course, there are the mormons. yesterday was the mormon holiday 'pioneer day' and they had a parade through town which consisted of a float carrying toddlers that read "future missionaries"...signin' em up young so there's no chance for them to think for themselves, and a pick-up truck full of women in traditional mormon garb (full length skirt and blouse, all skin covered except for their faces and their braided puff of a hair [the higher the puff, the higher their status within their polyg clan]) that had a banner that read "a gracious woman retaineth honor"--vomfest, for ser.
there are 4 other interns aside from myself--three are all around my age and one is an older woman looking to leave her old life and start a second one; quite common around best friends. a lot of people all had previous lives in corporate america and chose to finally do something about their love for animals, planned to work here for a couple years, and ended up staying here for a decade or two. i think that's fucking awesome. anywho, i get along rather well with the other interns. the three that are around my age and i go out to eat often, sit together at lunch, go to the one movie theatre with it's one screen, exclusively pg-13 and under movies that are already out of the theatre in any other state, and $1.50 extra large popcorn, and the four of us took a drive up to zion and hiked the beautiful emerald pools trail the other day. cool cool experience. honestly though, kanab is the "greatest earth on show", the golden center of national parks (directly in the middle of zion, bryce, and the grand canyon) and one need'nt even make the hour trip to zion to get the same experience as walking down the streets of kanab or the 10 minute drive up angel canyon to best friends.
tuesday starts part 2 of my internship. the first two weeks the interns spent a day or two in each different animal area (dogs, cats, parrots, bunnies, horses, pigs, & wild friends) then the last four weeks we choose which area we want to focus in. i chose doggies, exclusively the runs behind the clinic with the "red collar dogs" as opposed to Dogtown Heights with the "green collar dogs". every dog at best friends is ranked by the color of their collar. green means their volunteer friendly, they can go on walks with anyone, etc. the red collar dogs are staff only-- they have a bite history, are dog aggressive, have issues in general. purple collar dogs i think are "caution" dogs, maybe a bite history from a long time ago or not good with kids, afraid of men, etc. i can't even remember the other color collar. color collar. color collar. anywho so i have an affinity with the more difficult dogs. we get to pick a dog for a "one-on-one" experience. basically, we choose a dog (or the dog chooses us) that has an issue, like is shy or jumps, or just something that needs to be worked on and we get to know it for four weeks and personally try to help the dog overcome it's issue. should be pretty fun.
this morning jas and i went to church. ugh. jas has a way of guilting people in to doing things and i felt bad when i said that i didn't want to go. so i went and my cheek twitched guiltily the entire time i was sitting there listening to the catholic bullshit--it was like my body telling me i shouldn't be there. i'm a spiritual person, or at least i try to be but spiritual is the key word there. i am not religious. i don't believe in organized religion....especially catholicism--i should know, i was raised on it. eight years of CCD and i'm fucking through. i do believe that at least one day a week should be a day of rest and reflection but back in jersey, my church is waking up at Xam's on sunday morning, smokin a doober, going to brunch at zinc cafe with my friends, and zenning it up with a good hack circle to work off the 'itis after a sick meal made by chris at zinc.
speaking of friends, i miss everyone dearly. it's only been two weeks since i left but time goes by so slowly here it feels like i haven't seen anyone in years. unfortunately, there is a serious dick drought here. everyone's married already and the like, so i often think of Xam. i wonder what it'll be like when i come home. the lack of funny good looking available guys is reaaaaaaaaally frustrating, especially for me and my love of romping so i lie awake at night relieving myself, hanging on to seemingly distant (uuh three weeks ago?) memories of Xam & I. gahh he's so cute.
also speaking of friends, she she, ninja elf, rasputin, and cait are leaving for their three week road trip (final destination-- kanb, utah to visit me!) tomorrow night. i'm so excited to see them but im actually really jealous that i don't get to go on the road trip :-( it's gonna be so much fun for them. cay cay's in san fran right now visiting fink for a couple days, that's really sweet. i'm glad she got to go out there.
well i think that's more or less all the news i have. i'll be back in jersey on dad's birthday, aug. 24th. i hope he looks over me and makes sure i have safe travels. i was actually wondering why jas started going to church out here, i know she's not super catholic either. i figured out that's it's most likely a thing we used to do when dad was here and she's keeping it alive. i was four when he died but i always forget that jas was 14; she had 14 years of life and memories with him and i can only imagine that how ever much i miss him, she missed him 14x more. i think it might be why i conceded and went to church today, and also why i make the yearly trip over to St. Joan's every Christmas. going to church is one of the few things i remember doing with him. my mom and dad weren't religious either but they thought that us kids should be raised with some form of spirituality and then we were free at 13 to choose if we wanted to follow catholicism or follow some other religious or non-religious route. anyway, without fail every Christmas Mass i sit there ignoring the sermon and just think of how different our lives would be if he was still alive, and i always end up crying. i'm not a big cryer but sitting there in church, with the holiday spirit flying around, and the familar sights and smells, thinking of what my dad would think of the boy i'm currently seeing, or if he would be ok with all the decisions i'm making, or how different my decisions would be if he didn't die....the tears just spill. ahh alright, this entry is getting way too long and waaaaaaay too sappy. and i have to pee like a motherfucker so ima go.
peace & love.
-stella blue.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
friday night at the cabin. should be fun. supposedly a buuuunch of people are coming so i'm pretty pumped. i'm also pumped for my trip to UTAH which i will be leaving for on sunday!! we'll see how six weeks of living with my sister for the first time in 10 years will be like. hopefully, we won't kill each other.
not much else to report on. really.
well i suppose there are other things to report on but once again i find myself suppressing and/or internalizing everything to the point where i'm not even sure what to feel/think.
i was pretty upset the other day when i found out Xam's way of repaying me for abandoning me at a train station was making out with my best friend. the more i write about my faux-relationship with Xam the more fucked up i realize it is and it's making it surprisingly easy to fall out of love with him. there's also the fact that i'll be gone for six weeks, so maybe i'm subconsciously putting up mental barriers to ward myself from any nagging feelings of sadness or yearning for a person that just does not give back. i've learned in my Intro to Comm. lecture that relationships are based off of a cost/reward system. i find myself too often in positions with friends where i give so much and get little in return. but then i have to look at it through a different perspective, the perspective of my friends. i've been broke as a joke for over a year now and maybe that's wearing my friends down a little. i can never do anything that costs money (which excludes just about everything outside of walking--the only free thing to do anymore) and i have nothing to contribute that's monetarily based. however, my group of particular friends all agree that money is the root of all evil and ideally try to forget about it's existence. realistically though, maybe i've drained them. i try my absolute best not to mooch and i NEVER ask for money or anything but i don't know... what i can't offer in money though, i try to make up for in being the best possible friend. i give emotionally, rather than monetarily. i really do pride myself in being a good friend but Certain People are rather blind to it. perhaps i've known said Certain People for too long and they still think of me in terms of 4 years ago and are too blond to notice my personal growth and change. i'm definitely nowhere near the same person i was in high school, but there could be a stigma that he just can't get over. or doesn't try to get over. or doesn't even notice.
really though, i've never met anyone so stolid. NO emotional range. i've never seen a hint of sadness or a burst of uncontrollable laughter or irrational anger, or even rational anger. whenever i examine him (which i do often, with all the non-talking the only thing i can do is observe and analyze quietly to myself), the only emotion i get from him is tired. he's just always tired.
and then the perspective comes in yet again and i realize that as consumed by thoughts of him as i am, he is just on a different page in his life. his work schedule is hectic, he doesn't come home till 10 at night and he barely gets any time to himself which should be important to people. everyone needs time to their self and he's always surrounded. all he ever does when he isn't working is watching really bad movies on HBO. and like, that's not that attractive. come on, do something else with your life. you had a long day at work but you didn't have to. you could've come home early rather than going on a ride and then out to the bar. remember you have friends at home that love you and miss you. you're never around anymore.
wow....that was...revealing. i suppose that's what i want to say to him but don't have the courage to.
this blog let's me say write things out that i'm thinking. but really, all it's achieving is making me realize how unstable i am. i like to think that i'm solid but i DO have issues, issues that need to be dealt with instead of quelled or ignored or denied.
for 1: i need to let go of Xam. it's bordering unhealthy. and if he ever like, i dunno, read this blog i would be mortified and he would probably be mortified too. like "this girl actually thinks about me this much?"
for 2: i NEED to get laid. i'm going out to Utah, basically signing myself up for 6 weeks of celibacy. i need to get laid stat. unfortunately, as whoever reads this knows (i doubt anyone reads it though), things have gone awry with Xam soooo that counts him out. he may be at the cabin tonight. i still haven't decided whether to put up my most passive aggressive front and let him wonder or act like nothing happened for the sake of getting one good lay in before i ship out. acting like nothing happened would be satisfying in the short term (about the 7.5 minutes of penetration) but ultimately it would just perpetuate my ill feelings toward both Xam and myself. playing passive aggressive and sitting back and watching how uncomfortable he is would also be satisfying in the short term but i would also ultimately gain nothing but instantly gratifying delusions that how i act actually affects this fucking untouchable, unreachable ginger.
for 3: this may sound like the first bullet but i just had a revelation and don't feel like backspacing. i need to, for once and for all, take Xam off this ridiculous pedastal i carry him on. maybe he isn't as unreachable as i've always thought. maybe he's just a regular guy with regular thoughts and maybe he has a secret blog and writes on and on about me. or about anything. i would love to read a blog that Xam writes. i would love to see him passionate about anything other than engineering bikes and mathematics.
fuckin' math majors. so hard to deal with emotionally. they see things in such different ways. they apply the rules of math to everyday life and i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's not My thing and it is Xam's thing. maybe deep down, we're just not good together.
oh shit it's 4:30, office is closing i gotta go!!
-stella b.
not much else to report on. really.
well i suppose there are other things to report on but once again i find myself suppressing and/or internalizing everything to the point where i'm not even sure what to feel/think.
i was pretty upset the other day when i found out Xam's way of repaying me for abandoning me at a train station was making out with my best friend. the more i write about my faux-relationship with Xam the more fucked up i realize it is and it's making it surprisingly easy to fall out of love with him. there's also the fact that i'll be gone for six weeks, so maybe i'm subconsciously putting up mental barriers to ward myself from any nagging feelings of sadness or yearning for a person that just does not give back. i've learned in my Intro to Comm. lecture that relationships are based off of a cost/reward system. i find myself too often in positions with friends where i give so much and get little in return. but then i have to look at it through a different perspective, the perspective of my friends. i've been broke as a joke for over a year now and maybe that's wearing my friends down a little. i can never do anything that costs money (which excludes just about everything outside of walking--the only free thing to do anymore) and i have nothing to contribute that's monetarily based. however, my group of particular friends all agree that money is the root of all evil and ideally try to forget about it's existence. realistically though, maybe i've drained them. i try my absolute best not to mooch and i NEVER ask for money or anything but i don't know... what i can't offer in money though, i try to make up for in being the best possible friend. i give emotionally, rather than monetarily. i really do pride myself in being a good friend but Certain People are rather blind to it. perhaps i've known said Certain People for too long and they still think of me in terms of 4 years ago and are too blond to notice my personal growth and change. i'm definitely nowhere near the same person i was in high school, but there could be a stigma that he just can't get over. or doesn't try to get over. or doesn't even notice.
really though, i've never met anyone so stolid. NO emotional range. i've never seen a hint of sadness or a burst of uncontrollable laughter or irrational anger, or even rational anger. whenever i examine him (which i do often, with all the non-talking the only thing i can do is observe and analyze quietly to myself), the only emotion i get from him is tired. he's just always tired.
and then the perspective comes in yet again and i realize that as consumed by thoughts of him as i am, he is just on a different page in his life. his work schedule is hectic, he doesn't come home till 10 at night and he barely gets any time to himself which should be important to people. everyone needs time to their self and he's always surrounded. all he ever does when he isn't working is watching really bad movies on HBO. and like, that's not that attractive. come on, do something else with your life. you had a long day at work but you didn't have to. you could've come home early rather than going on a ride and then out to the bar. remember you have friends at home that love you and miss you. you're never around anymore.
wow....that was...revealing. i suppose that's what i want to say to him but don't have the courage to.
this blog let's me say write things out that i'm thinking. but really, all it's achieving is making me realize how unstable i am. i like to think that i'm solid but i DO have issues, issues that need to be dealt with instead of quelled or ignored or denied.
for 1: i need to let go of Xam. it's bordering unhealthy. and if he ever like, i dunno, read this blog i would be mortified and he would probably be mortified too. like "this girl actually thinks about me this much?"
for 2: i NEED to get laid. i'm going out to Utah, basically signing myself up for 6 weeks of celibacy. i need to get laid stat. unfortunately, as whoever reads this knows (i doubt anyone reads it though), things have gone awry with Xam soooo that counts him out. he may be at the cabin tonight. i still haven't decided whether to put up my most passive aggressive front and let him wonder or act like nothing happened for the sake of getting one good lay in before i ship out. acting like nothing happened would be satisfying in the short term (about the 7.5 minutes of penetration) but ultimately it would just perpetuate my ill feelings toward both Xam and myself. playing passive aggressive and sitting back and watching how uncomfortable he is would also be satisfying in the short term but i would also ultimately gain nothing but instantly gratifying delusions that how i act actually affects this fucking untouchable, unreachable ginger.
for 3: this may sound like the first bullet but i just had a revelation and don't feel like backspacing. i need to, for once and for all, take Xam off this ridiculous pedastal i carry him on. maybe he isn't as unreachable as i've always thought. maybe he's just a regular guy with regular thoughts and maybe he has a secret blog and writes on and on about me. or about anything. i would love to read a blog that Xam writes. i would love to see him passionate about anything other than engineering bikes and mathematics.
fuckin' math majors. so hard to deal with emotionally. they see things in such different ways. they apply the rules of math to everyday life and i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's not My thing and it is Xam's thing. maybe deep down, we're just not good together.
oh shit it's 4:30, office is closing i gotta go!!
-stella b.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
cabin fever!!! she-she-la-la's got the cabin until the 11th and we've been partying it up the last two nights. it sucks that it's only the nights. everyones' schedules are so different that we can only all gather together 'round midnight and by 8 in the morning half the people have gone to work, including myself. last year we were at the cabin 24/7...drunk all day off shitty beer, stoned all day off dankkkkk ganj....relaxing on a floatie in the middle of the lake, sun on skin, beer in hand, half asleep until someone sneakattacks you and you're too drunk to notice that half of your beer is now mucky lake water...the days, man, the DAYS!
so this year is a little different but we've only had the cabin for two days so hopefully we'll settle into a groove more reminiscent of last year rather than the same ol' same ol' at a neater location, ya know?
i got into a little tussle with Xam the other day. well, it's more me being angry and internalizing it and arguing with the voices in my head rather than Xam himself BUT therein lies the root of the problem. communication issues. i can't blame it all on him-- well i can in this certain instance but i can't blame him for Everything because as socially retarded as he is, i am only a little less socially retarded. but i'm actually not-- just around him. i don't know why it happens, i mean i can talk to anybody about anything but when it comes to Xam there's this automatic barrier that goes up and i literally can't talk to him about anything consequential at all. which is ridiculous because i've been great friends with him for like, ~4 years now and outside of the past 6 months we had "hooked up" on occasion; ya know, drunk at parties blah blah blah nothing serious. nothing serious. that's how it's always been. but then in january when i broke up with B.A., the sexual tension with Xam was out of this world and we immediately started "hooking up". and then it started happening on a more regular basis than ever before and before long people started assuming i would sleep over and stop asking me for rides home, etc.-- they got a clue. at this point, i think even his Mom assumes we're more or less together. but the thing is is that we're NOT together. we sleep together, literally & figuratively and we talk and stuff in social settings but when we're alone together-- if we're not doin' it-- then we have nothing to say to each other. it's crazy. and i think it's because after 6 months of doin' it & not talking about it (literally, we've never spoken of our liaision-- as i said, communication issues), too much time has past to broach the subject. i'm scared, literally scared of what he would say. and i don't want our relationship to change (lies, yes i do) so i'm too scared to do anything about it and more and more time passes and it gets harder and harder. and i mean, i want our relationship to change in the sense that i want to be comfortable talking to him about, um ANYTHING. but, i don't need to date him or anything constricting like that (fuck formal relationships FREE LOVE!!). i just want to fucking talk to him. i would kill to know what the fuck is going through his head when i'm on his bed in my favorite pair of underwear and he's....on the computer ignoring my existence. not healthy, right? i mean i need peace of mind. i've been getting the worst sleep, nightmares and the like, and i think the stress of this pathetic half relationship/dealing with unrequited love/lust/whatever is contributing to my lack of R.E.M.
whoa, writing it all down is taking forever but i think i need to. my mom said i should stop internalizing all my problems so i suppose this is a good outlet.
in any event, what it comes down to is i'm not happy. and my goal in life is to be happy. all the time. never sad. and Xam makes me sad sometimes. and it's not really worth it. but i don't want to give it up. because we have good sexual chemistry. rock & a hard place.
-Stellaaaaaa BLUEEEE
so this year is a little different but we've only had the cabin for two days so hopefully we'll settle into a groove more reminiscent of last year rather than the same ol' same ol' at a neater location, ya know?
i got into a little tussle with Xam the other day. well, it's more me being angry and internalizing it and arguing with the voices in my head rather than Xam himself BUT therein lies the root of the problem. communication issues. i can't blame it all on him-- well i can in this certain instance but i can't blame him for Everything because as socially retarded as he is, i am only a little less socially retarded. but i'm actually not-- just around him. i don't know why it happens, i mean i can talk to anybody about anything but when it comes to Xam there's this automatic barrier that goes up and i literally can't talk to him about anything consequential at all. which is ridiculous because i've been great friends with him for like, ~4 years now and outside of the past 6 months we had "hooked up" on occasion; ya know, drunk at parties blah blah blah nothing serious. nothing serious. that's how it's always been. but then in january when i broke up with B.A., the sexual tension with Xam was out of this world and we immediately started "hooking up". and then it started happening on a more regular basis than ever before and before long people started assuming i would sleep over and stop asking me for rides home, etc.-- they got a clue. at this point, i think even his Mom assumes we're more or less together. but the thing is is that we're NOT together. we sleep together, literally & figuratively and we talk and stuff in social settings but when we're alone together-- if we're not doin' it-- then we have nothing to say to each other. it's crazy. and i think it's because after 6 months of doin' it & not talking about it (literally, we've never spoken of our liaision-- as i said, communication issues), too much time has past to broach the subject. i'm scared, literally scared of what he would say. and i don't want our relationship to change (lies, yes i do) so i'm too scared to do anything about it and more and more time passes and it gets harder and harder. and i mean, i want our relationship to change in the sense that i want to be comfortable talking to him about, um ANYTHING. but, i don't need to date him or anything constricting like that (fuck formal relationships FREE LOVE!!). i just want to fucking talk to him. i would kill to know what the fuck is going through his head when i'm on his bed in my favorite pair of underwear and he's....on the computer ignoring my existence. not healthy, right? i mean i need peace of mind. i've been getting the worst sleep, nightmares and the like, and i think the stress of this pathetic half relationship/dealing with unrequited love/lust/whatever is contributing to my lack of R.E.M.
whoa, writing it all down is taking forever but i think i need to. my mom said i should stop internalizing all my problems so i suppose this is a good outlet.
in any event, what it comes down to is i'm not happy. and my goal in life is to be happy. all the time. never sad. and Xam makes me sad sometimes. and it's not really worth it. but i don't want to give it up. because we have good sexual chemistry. rock & a hard place.
-Stellaaaaaa BLUEEEE
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
hah i took this excerpt from an estranged friends away message. it more or less says what i've been thinking about myself but didn't know how to even formulate the thoughts in my own head let alone write about it in a blog. so, thanks sabre11779 whoever the fuck you are; thanks for getting it and not even knowing.
Sabre11779 (1:21:49 AM): You're breakin' my heart, Alex...
Sabre11779 (1:23:31 AM): No, I mean in general...It's like you know you want something more than just a physical relationship, and you want people to see you for more than that, but at the same problem, you doubt yourself so much that you can't stop turning to purely physical relationships as the only means you have of validating yourself as a person...
Sabre11779 (1:24:22 AM): So when someone with whom you've been intimate rejects you, for anything, even tiny things, you feel like they're rejecting you, as a person, because you're letting that side of you be the only side that people see...the "crazy party-girl" Alex....
Sabre11779 (1:21:49 AM): You're breakin' my heart, Alex...
Sabre11779 (1:23:31 AM): No, I mean in general...It's like you know you want something more than just a physical relationship, and you want people to see you for more than that, but at the same problem, you doubt yourself so much that you can't stop turning to purely physical relationships as the only means you have of validating yourself as a person...
Sabre11779 (1:24:22 AM): So when someone with whom you've been intimate rejects you, for anything, even tiny things, you feel like they're rejecting you, as a person, because you're letting that side of you be the only side that people see...the "crazy party-girl" Alex....
Monday, July 7, 2008
July 4th was kind of a bust. I mean, it wasn't bad but nothing too exciting happened on my trip up the Bruns. The only fireworks I saw were from a distance while driving up the Turnpike. I moved most of my furniture into the house...that was the most exciting part. My room is unbelievably small for a double...don't know how the roommate's going to fit her stuff in. Golly, this sure is an exciting blog. I've used the word exciting three times now and this is most definitely the least exciting entry ever. Interesting.
I slept over Xam's last night. I don't know. I was going to write more about it but my best friend unfortunately got this web address out of me so my blog isn't anonymous anymore. Not that I'd write anything that I wouldn't share with her....actually maybe I would. I've been thinking lately that I'm seriously going insane and I don't know if I'm ready to share that with people. I've always heard however, that if one consciously thinks they're going insane, they're probably not. I really think the solution to my inner turmoil is a nice 6 week break from my life, which is rather conveniant seeing as in a week I'll be off to Utah for exactly that. I'm getting a little concerned about how drastic my life will change in those 6 short weeks however. Like, this morning my mom told me I need to buy a 1 piece bathing suit because the public pool near where my sister lives does not allow bikinis?!?!? How archaic is that?? This should be a rather interesting trip. Also, I need to find acid in less than 7 days. May be difficult.
I'm going to go finish reading Candide for the second time.
Peace-
Stella Blue
I slept over Xam's last night. I don't know. I was going to write more about it but my best friend unfortunately got this web address out of me so my blog isn't anonymous anymore. Not that I'd write anything that I wouldn't share with her....actually maybe I would. I've been thinking lately that I'm seriously going insane and I don't know if I'm ready to share that with people. I've always heard however, that if one consciously thinks they're going insane, they're probably not. I really think the solution to my inner turmoil is a nice 6 week break from my life, which is rather conveniant seeing as in a week I'll be off to Utah for exactly that. I'm getting a little concerned about how drastic my life will change in those 6 short weeks however. Like, this morning my mom told me I need to buy a 1 piece bathing suit because the public pool near where my sister lives does not allow bikinis?!?!? How archaic is that?? This should be a rather interesting trip. Also, I need to find acid in less than 7 days. May be difficult.
I'm going to go finish reading Candide for the second time.
Peace-
Stella Blue
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Beginnings
Summer began mid May, Utah is mid July. In retrospect, I suppose I could've gotten a "real" job- two months is quite a while. I was (still am) signed up through the temp agency but they hadn't given me a job for those entire two months up until now- the two weeks before I leave for Utah- the two weeks where I should and want to rather be doing ANYTHING else. The cabin on the lake is rented until the 11th-
IF ONE MORE PHONE CALL INTERRUPTS MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT.....
So I signed up with this temp agency only thinking about the cash flow but I soon realized working in an office is everything I don't ever want to do with my life. I have so much more potential than answering a phone for 8 hours. Unfortunately, I am also cursed with laziness thus I'm not actively doing anything about my situation besides complaining about it in a blog that I will surely never use after this gig as recepcionista is through.
And then there's that damn perspective that plagues (blesses?) me. Whenever I'm unhappy about my mediocre life I think about every person that is suffering infinitely more than me. There's a lot of people worse off so my perspective never runs dry.
I don't know what this blog will be about- if it will have a theme or end up being my pretentious rants or conspiracies or music or movies or drugs....I am a jack of all trades and a master of none so keeping a blog that won't turn into a diary may be difficult.
Let me introduce myself:
My name is _____ (you can refer to me as Stella Blue) and I am a 20 year old college student. That's all you're going to get because I am also paranoid that the government is out to get me so I try to keep my personal information limited. You're never gonna get me.
My interests (which I suppose I will try to throw into this doomed-to-fail blog) include but are not limited too: The Grateful Dead......................
haha just kidding I have at least a little more depth...
but seriously: The Grateful Dead, music of all sorts, movies (good ones), movies (bad ones), driving (not so much anymore what with gas prices blah blah blah), cigarettes & coffee, Otis Redding (if anyone just got that reference, leave a comment), thought, ganj, tripping, learning, free love...
Gosh I sound like I stepped out of 1967. Well, I am my mother's daughter (obviously..) and she has influenced me. I suppose one could label me as a hippie. Most people nowadays would use it derogatively but I embrace it. My philosophy in life is if everyone did acid, everything would be ok. I really have to poop, excuse me.
IF ONE MORE PHONE CALL INTERRUPTS MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT.....
So I signed up with this temp agency only thinking about the cash flow but I soon realized working in an office is everything I don't ever want to do with my life. I have so much more potential than answering a phone for 8 hours. Unfortunately, I am also cursed with laziness thus I'm not actively doing anything about my situation besides complaining about it in a blog that I will surely never use after this gig as recepcionista is through.
And then there's that damn perspective that plagues (blesses?) me. Whenever I'm unhappy about my mediocre life I think about every person that is suffering infinitely more than me. There's a lot of people worse off so my perspective never runs dry.
I don't know what this blog will be about- if it will have a theme or end up being my pretentious rants or conspiracies or music or movies or drugs....I am a jack of all trades and a master of none so keeping a blog that won't turn into a diary may be difficult.
Let me introduce myself:
My name is _____ (you can refer to me as Stella Blue) and I am a 20 year old college student. That's all you're going to get because I am also paranoid that the government is out to get me so I try to keep my personal information limited. You're never gonna get me.
My interests (which I suppose I will try to throw into this doomed-to-fail blog) include but are not limited too: The Grateful Dead......................
haha just kidding I have at least a little more depth...
but seriously: The Grateful Dead, music of all sorts, movies (good ones), movies (bad ones), driving (not so much anymore what with gas prices blah blah blah), cigarettes & coffee, Otis Redding (if anyone just got that reference, leave a comment), thought, ganj, tripping, learning, free love...
Gosh I sound like I stepped out of 1967. Well, I am my mother's daughter (obviously..) and she has influenced me. I suppose one could label me as a hippie. Most people nowadays would use it derogatively but I embrace it. My philosophy in life is if everyone did acid, everything would be ok. I really have to poop, excuse me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)