hah i took this excerpt from an estranged friends away message. it more or less says what i've been thinking about myself but didn't know how to even formulate the thoughts in my own head let alone write about it in a blog. so, thanks sabre11779 whoever the fuck you are; thanks for getting it and not even knowing.

Sabre11779 (1:21:49 AM): You're breakin' my heart, Alex...
Sabre11779 (1:23:31 AM): No, I mean in general...It's like you know you want something more than just a physical relationship, and you want people to see you for more than that, but at the same problem, you doubt yourself so much that you can't stop turning to purely physical relationships as the only means you have of validating yourself as a person...
Sabre11779 (1:24:22 AM): So when someone with whom you've been intimate rejects you, for anything, even tiny things, you feel like they're rejecting you, as a person, because you're letting that side of you be the only side that people see...the "crazy party-girl" Alex....