utah!

so i'm in utah and it's absolutely amazing. working at best friends is the most rewarding experience ever. it's hard manual labor but it's so gratifying knowing what you're doing is literally changing a life, even if it is for a pig or cat or bunny. it's something i'm seriously considering returning to whence finished at ol' rutgers. the best friends' mission is to spread kindness through animals and it really works. it's so hard to explain how this place is making me feel and think unless you've been here; and i encourage everyone to come visit and volunteer and understand the natural wonder of this place. it's so spiritual and just i don't even know, awesome. outside of best friends, i've just been chillin' in kanab-- smallest town ever. there's no social life, there's one traffic light, it's a complete microcosm. all of utah is a microcosm of it's own, completely separate from the rest of the united states. it's crazy that this place is seriously a part of the US-- the thought process is so completely different. first of all, i have not seen one black person here. no where. non-existant. second of all, everyone here marries out of high school and has three kids by the time they're my age! and of course, there are the mormons. yesterday was the mormon holiday 'pioneer day' and they had a parade through town which consisted of a float carrying toddlers that read "future missionaries"...signin' em up young so there's no chance for them to think for themselves, and a pick-up truck full of women in traditional mormon garb (full length skirt and blouse, all skin covered except for their faces and their braided puff of a hair [the higher the puff, the higher their status within their polyg clan]) that had a banner that read "a gracious woman retaineth honor"--vomfest, for ser.

there are 4 other interns aside from myself--three are all around my age and one is an older woman looking to leave her old life and start a second one; quite common around best friends. a lot of people all had previous lives in corporate america and chose to finally do something about their love for animals, planned to work here for a couple years, and ended up staying here for a decade or two. i think that's fucking awesome. anywho, i get along rather well with the other interns. the three that are around my age and i go out to eat often, sit together at lunch, go to the one movie theatre with it's one screen, exclusively pg-13 and under movies that are already out of the theatre in any other state, and $1.50 extra large popcorn, and the four of us took a drive up to zion and hiked the beautiful emerald pools trail the other day. cool cool experience. honestly though, kanab is the "greatest earth on show", the golden center of national parks (directly in the middle of zion, bryce, and the grand canyon) and one need'nt even make the hour trip to zion to get the same experience as walking down the streets of kanab or the 10 minute drive up angel canyon to best friends.

tuesday starts part 2 of my internship. the first two weeks the interns spent a day or two in each different animal area (dogs, cats, parrots, bunnies, horses, pigs, & wild friends) then the last four weeks we choose which area we want to focus in. i chose doggies, exclusively the runs behind the clinic with the "red collar dogs" as opposed to Dogtown Heights with the "green collar dogs". every dog at best friends is ranked by the color of their collar. green means their volunteer friendly, they can go on walks with anyone, etc. the red collar dogs are staff only-- they have a bite history, are dog aggressive, have issues in general. purple collar dogs i think are "caution" dogs, maybe a bite history from a long time ago or not good with kids, afraid of men, etc. i can't even remember the other color collar. color collar. color collar. anywho so i have an affinity with the more difficult dogs. we get to pick a dog for a "one-on-one" experience. basically, we choose a dog (or the dog chooses us) that has an issue, like is shy or jumps, or just something that needs to be worked on and we get to know it for four weeks and personally try to help the dog overcome it's issue. should be pretty fun.

this morning jas and i went to church. ugh. jas has a way of guilting people in to doing things and i felt bad when i said that i didn't want to go. so i went and my cheek twitched guiltily the entire time i was sitting there listening to the catholic bullshit--it was like my body telling me i shouldn't be there. i'm a spiritual person, or at least i try to be but spiritual is the key word there. i am not religious. i don't believe in organized religion....especially catholicism--i should know, i was raised on it. eight years of CCD and i'm fucking through. i do believe that at least one day a week should be a day of rest and reflection but back in jersey, my church is waking up at Xam's on sunday morning, smokin a doober, going to brunch at zinc cafe with my friends, and zenning it up with a good hack circle to work off the 'itis after a sick meal made by chris at zinc.
speaking of friends, i miss everyone dearly. it's only been two weeks since i left but time goes by so slowly here it feels like i haven't seen anyone in years. unfortunately, there is a serious dick drought here. everyone's married already and the like, so i often think of Xam. i wonder what it'll be like when i come home. the lack of funny good looking available guys is reaaaaaaaaally frustrating, especially for me and my love of romping so i lie awake at night relieving myself, hanging on to seemingly distant (uuh three weeks ago?) memories of Xam & I. gahh he's so cute.

also speaking of friends, she she, ninja elf, rasputin, and cait are leaving for their three week road trip (final destination-- kanb, utah to visit me!) tomorrow night. i'm so excited to see them but im actually really jealous that i don't get to go on the road trip :-( it's gonna be so much fun for them. cay cay's in san fran right now visiting fink for a couple days, that's really sweet. i'm glad she got to go out there.

well i think that's more or less all the news i have. i'll be back in jersey on dad's birthday, aug. 24th. i hope he looks over me and makes sure i have safe travels. i was actually wondering why jas started going to church out here, i know she's not super catholic either. i figured out that's it's most likely a thing we used to do when dad was here and she's keeping it alive. i was four when he died but i always forget that jas was 14; she had 14 years of life and memories with him and i can only imagine that how ever much i miss him, she missed him 14x more. i think it might be why i conceded and went to church today, and also why i make the yearly trip over to St. Joan's every Christmas. going to church is one of the few things i remember doing with him. my mom and dad weren't religious either but they thought that us kids should be raised with some form of spirituality and then we were free at 13 to choose if we wanted to follow catholicism or follow some other religious or non-religious route. anyway, without fail every Christmas Mass i sit there ignoring the sermon and just think of how different our lives would be if he was still alive, and i always end up crying. i'm not a big cryer but sitting there in church, with the holiday spirit flying around, and the familar sights and smells, thinking of what my dad would think of the boy i'm currently seeing, or if he would be ok with all the decisions i'm making, or how different my decisions would be if he didn't die....the tears just spill. ahh alright, this entry is getting way too long and waaaaaaay too sappy. and i have to pee like a motherfucker so ima go.

peace & love.
-stella blue.